Friday, July 25, 2008

If It Were A Corona World

Imagine a perfect day on a beautiful beach... now, picture that same beach with a greasy nasty male nudist walking by! Not so great any more... is it?

Side Note: If life was a Corona commercial everything would be perfection...

Lesson Learned: If life was a Corona commercial everyone would be drunk, nothing would get done and everyone would smell! So really, you'd be French!

Pizza, Pizza... Really?!

We're sure your parents are very proud that you work on the corner as a food mascot... maybe they even get free pizza!

Side Note: That pizza boy is nothing but schnoz!

Lesson Learned: Your parents might be less disappointed if you worked on the same corner turning tricks... at least you'd get paid more!

Let's Play Find The Wheelchair...

This ghetto ass A-Team van on stilts shows us why handicapped people don't need their own parking spaces... if they can get out of that beast, than they can walk just as far as we do!  Or maybe this douche isn't handicapped at all... maybe he's just a dick!

Side Note: This damn thing is taller then the sign it's illegally parked in front of!  And what's with the hunting lights... you drive in the city!  Unless, they hunt people.  The A-Team has gone terribly wrong!

Lesson Learned: Leave the monster trucks to crushing cars and not for taking up handicap spots!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Mama Always Said: "WTF Are You Doing?"

BMW's newest attempt at going green has gone way too far this time. With the purchase of every new beamer, you get a free Mexican that hangs out your window and purifies the air with the new "Palm Tree Air-freshener".

Side Note: We are betting that this is illegal... no, not the leaning out the window part... but the Mexican here in America part.

Lesson Learned: If you can afford a BMW, have them deliver the damn tree... if not, buying a truck with a mural on it will do just fine!

Don't Touch The Sink!

NOTICE: Don't sh!t in the sink!

Lesson Learned: This may be the one time you don't want to wash your hands!

Land Pirate... RRRRrrrrr

Rrr... This here land pirate be the meanest around.  After givin' us thee stink eye we be leavin'.

Side Note: That's no pirate's hat... no, it be his land pirate afro!

Lesson Learned: You best be steerin' clear of this pirate... rrrRRRRrrr!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

A Man's Love For His Truck

Nothing could be better than a vacation... unless it's your truck on vacation!  Doesn't that little truck look great on the beach with the blue water and the sweet sand!

Side Note: You know this guys going to hang the tailgate in his house when that truck craps out right...

Lesson Learned: Don't punish your truck... take a mental picture and keep it to yourself.

OMG He's Back!!!

It's trained character actor Dennis Woodruff!!!  Holy crap... and he can afford a new car!  Now he has two kinds of crazy.

Side Note: We're thinking of mounting a camera to our car like that... it must be worth it, right?

Lesson Learned: Nothing has changed with "The Last Independent FilmMaker In Hollywood"... Except his car, he's even crazier!

Warning: Retina Burning Ahead!

Where exactly do you think we could pick up a hot pink bikini in size XXXL-WIDE-LOAD?

Side Note: Props to this lady for feeling comfortable enough in her skin to sport this outfit, but even more props to the bikini for being able to contain all that comfortable skin.

Lesson Learned: After viewing rinse eyes for 15 min with cold water.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

That's Sh!tty...

If your mom only knew what you were eating...

Lesson Learned: His Dad always told him, "One man's sh!t is another man's bread & butter."

Alright... Who's Cock Is This!?

Your parents must have told you to keep your "cock" in your "yard"... but I guess this guy didn't listen.  He just lets his cock roam around.

Side Note: Old Macdonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O... And on his farm he had a cock, E-I-E-I-O... With a... well you get the idea.

Lesson Learned: Maybe this cock was just trying to escape becoming the perfect meal!

Word Score: Cock was used 5... well 6 times, not bad for one post!  Cock... 7 times, even better!

OMG It's Michael Jackson!!!

Well... we thought it was, and then we realized it was some Asian lady walking with her kids.  Anyone could have made that mistake!

Side Note: Welders masks should only be used on construction sites... or for looking into the sun.

Lesson Learned: If Michael Jackson is your role model, should you really be around children?

Naughty Biker Nipple

No... you suck on this!

Side Note: This guy bikes around town dressed like this and poses next to suggestive signs... what else are we supposed to think!

Lesson Learned: Try biking with a full shirt on... wait, this could be 80's Biker Boy's dad!  Teal tank top, shirt tied around the waist... we're going to need a paternity test!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Holy Crap... And She Looks Like It Too!

We took this picture thinking, "It would be great for a Celeb-A-Like post..." but then realized it would work much better in a Celeb-A-Look-Like-Sh!t post. It's Mel B... the B stands for Butterface.

Side Note: Is that a wallet in her bra? We thought Scary stuffed... but lets be honest, she doesn't need to! She gives the Elusive Titman a run for his money!

Lesson Learned: Celebs are just like us... only more famous, richer and much easier to make fun of...

What's Child Services' Number Again?!

Now we have seen some stupid ish on the freeway before... like F**k Nut McFarlin... but this guy tops the charts!

Side Note: While this guy was driving, he let his two unbuckled kids fight in the back window... great parenting skills!

Lesson Learned: Wonder if Child Protective Services has a drive-thru?... cause even Britney isn't this bad!

Grocery Shopping... The New Sport!

Adidas is sponsoring a new fad... Super Market Sweat!  This is a workout while you shop. Giving you the opportunity you have always wanted and needed!

Side Note: Don't forget your boxing shoes... it gets crazy in there! Look, someone already tore her shirt!

Lesson Learned: Box boys beware, this bitch can box!

Truck and Ladder

Is it just us, or does this just defeat the purpose of having a truck?  It would be better if you put the ladder in the bed.  But hey... What ever you want short bus... what ever you want.

Lesson Learned: When you buy a truck... put your cargo in the bed like a normal person.