Disappointed Parents

Barbie's Broken...

2009-03-11T13:30:00.000-07:00

They don't make Malibu Barbie like they use to...

Side Note: It's hard to jump start a plastic jeep without an engine.

Lesson Learned: I guess that Bitch doesn't have everything...

One Very Disappointed Jewish Mother...

2009-03-11T13:00:00.000-07:00

We are all for celebrating holidays... but the jews always seemed to have so much more class then this.

Side Note: This dude has a lot of khutspe driving around LA like this.

Lesson Learned: This guy can drive for 8 days before his oil runs out. Now thats some good mpg!

Poor Poor Paul Bunyan

2009-02-24T08:30:00.000-08:00

Ever since Paul lost Babe the big blue ox, he just hasn't been the same...

Side Note: Mr. Bunyan really let himself go...

Lesson Learned: Paul B's not the King of the Lumberjacks any more...

now, he's just the King of sad.

Man Survives Tie-Dye Factory Explosion

2008-12-12T06:10:00.000-08:00

Before you ask... here are the answers:

Side Note: No, we don't know where to get an outfit like this... No, we don't recommend dressing like this in public.... and Yes, this man is visible from space.

Lesson Learned: Crocks should be ban from existence, especially orange ones

Stop Light... meet the morons!

2008-12-01T10:29:00.000-08:00

Have you even been so mad at a light that you wanted to drive right into it... no... Okay, have you even been so stupid that you drove into a stop light in the middle of the day? well these two Douches did...

Side Note: Not only did they hit a stop light, but they're parked in a red zone...

Lesson Learned: If you hit city property and drive off make sure you don't have your company's shirt with a phone number on the back... a couple disappointed people might call... So Good!

Quite The Imagination You've Got There!

2008-10-22T08:30:00.000-07:00

And we thought believing in unicorns was stupid... but to paint one on your car!

Side Note: ...Is that a gun?! wow... what a psycho!

Lesson Learned: This Bitch Is Crazy!

Sour-Toe Bread

2008-10-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

Wow... it looks like this guy stole our hobby, making nasty ass feet with delicious bread.

Side Note: Really... who's going to eat that now?!?... probably some sick f*** who has a damn foot fetish... SICK!

Lesson Learned: This is why there are starving children in Africa! Good work foot bread maker... good work!

Dis Guy Got Da Boot...

2008-10-20T08:08:00.000-07:00

F is for F**king failure!

Side Note: We didn't think they still did that to cars... good to know! Mental note... pay your tickets and move your car!

Lesson Learned: Well... You can't win'em all!

Is That A Turtle On Your Head?!?!

2008-09-25T08:30:00.000-07:00

Hair like this hasn't been in style since 18th century...

Side Note: When waking up... remove the curlers before leaving home.

Lesson Learned: Hair styles that look like animals should be put down... and we mean like rabid dogs.

Be Safe... Use A Ninja!

2008-09-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

What do you get when you combine the Japanese, the Brits and the Americans... the best damn security team in the world... that's what!

Lesson Learned: You're not safe until you're Ninja Safe!

The Only Thing Missing Is A Noose

2008-09-22T09:30:00.000-07:00

The self help section has been moved to the "Perfect Knot" section...

Lesson Learned: Slip knots suck... you just fall down!

WE'RE DISAPPOINTED IN OURSELVES

2008-09-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

We're so so sorry that we have been gone for so long... but we did it all for you!

After searching 6 continents, 24 countries, 200 cities, 17 strip clubs & countless bathrooms we finally found him! The Elusive Titman is no longer elusive...

Gotcha Bitch! Your Tits Are Ours!!!

2008-09-19T06:59:00.000-07:00

I don't know why we searched the world... cause we found him in the same palce we saw him last time!

Side Note: Our Bad.

Lesson Learned: If you can't find something, check the last place you saw it.

So A Dog Drives Into A Coffee Shop...

2008-09-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

This is a great Joke... This guy leaves his dog in his car, while its running, and walks into this coffee shop. While he's in there his dog puts the car in drive and drives the car into the coffee shop!

Side Note: Wait... What? This is real... what the F...

Lesson Learned: If it sounds too stupid to be true... it's probably not!

Chit Chat With Sh!t Chat

2008-08-22T10:45:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a conversation with a friend or co-worker that you just couldn't stop, but you really had to take a sh!t? Us too... but thanks to the all new Sh!t Chat that's not a problem any longer!

Side Note: No more nasty interruptions in your conversations... cause you won't miss an awkward word in your now awkward conversation. Call now for free instillation! Sh!t Chat is also perfect for couples!

Lesson Learned: Any conversation can turn awkward just by your location!

Help Stop Zebra Sex By Being A Sponsor

2008-08-12T09:50:00.000-07:00

Zebra Brothels are a huge problem this country is facing and we as a community need to do something about it. We happened upon a brothel the other day and what we saw was very disheartening. One by one the zebras would exit the house after being ravished by satisfied customers and were were forced to cross the street in humiliating fashion. How sad.

Side Note: Zebra prostitution has risen by 20% over the last 5 years with over half the nation's zoos being forced to close.

Lesson Learned: For less then one dollar a day you can help get one of these poor animals off the streets and into a safe home. Please help and do your part to end bestiality.

One Hairy Asian

2008-08-12T08:36:00.000-07:00

That is some impressive hair! It's a combination of "the beehive" and "the mullet"... it's not easy to pull this one off, but with enough time, effort and Elmer's Glue you can do anything.

Side Note: Is it possible that she's hiding endangered animals in her hairspray cocoon?

Lesson Learned: Paul Mitchell is crying somewhere right now

Who Says Chivalry Is Dead?

2008-08-10T13:00:00.000-07:00

What you don't hear is the wife saying... "Honey, I really have to poop!" He replies, "Not now baby, not now!"

Side Note: She pooped safely at home... thanks to her husband.

Lesson Learned: A kind hand from a loved one really does help when sh!t happens.

Ahhhh...

2008-08-05T10:30:00.000-07:00

Well... uh...

Lesson Learned: Momma always said, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

You've Got Some Big Balls!!!

2008-08-04T12:00:00.000-07:00

Mommy... why are a hairy pair of nuts looking at me?!

Side Note: We hope it's not a hot day... sweaty balls are the worst!

Lesson Learned: Daddy said, "Don't let your balls hang out at the train station, unless they are smiling... then of course, it's okay."

WARNING: You Have Been Warned!

2008-08-04T10:00:00.000-07:00

Well you can park here as long as you don't mind us stealing your sh!t... whether by accident or for any other reasons.

Lesson Learned: Don't park in a place like this!

Manliest Man in Town

2008-07-31T09:30:00.000-07:00

Does this dog make me look gay?

Side Note: No your spandex tank top does... all it's missing are some rhinestones.

Lesson Learned: If you're walking a dog this size make sure your girlfriend is with you.

Have You Seen Our Balls Bounce?

2008-07-31T08:00:00.000-07:00

Probably not... cause we're not allowed to bounce 'em.

Lesson Learned: If everyone listened to what signs say, no one would have any fun... especially with balls!

This Rover Misses The Range!

2008-07-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

You know when you do something really stupid... and you want to do it over again... this is one of those times.

Lesson Learned: Accidents happen for a reason... especially when you drive like a moron!

Another Stupid Slogan...

2008-07-30T08:30:00.001-07:00

Oldest Beer In Town... you sure you want to say that? That's like saying, "Most curdled milk in town" or maybe "ugliest hooker on the block"... it's just not pleasing in any way.

Side Note: That's just something people don't want to buy... dumb asses.

Lesson Learned: Beer is supposed to be fresh... it's wine that should be old!

Elusive Titman Evades Us Again!!!

2008-07-29T09:30:00.000-07:00

WTF!!! How do you get a clean shot of this guy?!

Side Note: He's the Elusive Titman for two reasons! He's elusive... and he's a man with tits! No matter what we do, we can't seem to get a damn shot of him!

Lesson Learned: Game on Titman... GAME ON! We will get a clean shot of you soon... we promise you that!!!

If It Were A Corona World

2008-07-25T14:30:00.000-07:00

Imagine a perfect day on a beautiful beach... now, picture that same beach with a greasy nasty male nudist walking by! Not so great any more... is it?

Side Note: If life was a Corona commercial everything would be perfection...

Lesson Learned: If life was a Corona commercial everyone would be drunk, nothing would get done and everyone would smell! So really, you'd be French!

Pizza, Pizza... Really?!

2008-07-25T10:30:00.000-07:00

We're sure your parents are very proud that you work on the corner as a food mascot... maybe they even get free pizza!

Side Note: That pizza boy is nothing but schnoz!

Lesson Learned: Your parents might be less disappointed if you worked on the same corner turning tricks... at least you'd get paid more!

Let's Play Find The Wheelchair...

2008-07-25T09:00:00.000-07:00

This ghetto ass A-Team van on stilts shows us why handicapped people don't need their own parking spaces... if they can get out of that beast, than they can walk just as far as we do! Or maybe this douche isn't handicapped at all... maybe he's just a dick!

Side Note: This damn thing is taller then the sign it's illegally parked in front of! And what's with the hunting lights... you drive in the city! Unless, they hunt people. The A-Team has gone terribly wrong!

Lesson Learned: Leave the monster trucks to crushing cars and not for taking up handicap spots!

Mama Always Said: "WTF Are You Doing?"

2008-07-24T11:45:00.000-07:00

BMW's newest attempt at going green has gone way too far this time. With the purchase of every new beamer, you get a free Mexican that hangs out your window and purifies the air with the new "Palm Tree Air-freshener".

Side Note: We are betting that this is illegal... no, not the leaning out the window part... but the Mexican here in America part.

Lesson Learned: If you can afford a BMW, have them deliver the damn tree... if not, buying a truck with a mural on it will do just fine!

Don't Touch The Sink!

2008-07-24T09:30:00.000-07:00

NOTICE: Don't sh!t in the sink!

Lesson Learned: This may be the one time you don't want to wash your hands!

Land Pirate... RRRRrrrrr

2008-07-24T08:30:00.000-07:00

Rrr... This here land pirate be the meanest around. After givin' us thee stink eye we be leavin'.

Side Note: That's no pirate's hat... no, it be his land pirate afro!

Lesson Learned: You best be steerin' clear of this pirate... rrrRRRRrrr!

A Man's Love For His Truck

2008-07-23T11:00:00.000-07:00

Nothing could be better than a vacation... unless it's your truck on vacation! Doesn't that little truck look great on the beach with the blue water and the sweet sand!

Side Note: You know this guys going to hang the tailgate in his house when that truck craps out right...

Lesson Learned: Don't punish your truck... take a mental picture and keep it to yourself.

OMG He's Back!!!

2008-07-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

It's trained character actor Dennis Woodruff!!! Holy crap... and he can afford a new car! Now he has two kinds of crazy.

Side Note: We're thinking of mounting a camera to our car like that... it must be worth it, right?

Lesson Learned: Nothing has changed with "The Last Independent FilmMaker In Hollywood"... Except his car, he's even crazier!

Warning: Retina Burning Ahead!

2008-07-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

Where exactly do you think we could pick up a hot pink bikini in size XXXL-WIDE-LOAD?

Side Note: Props to this lady for feeling comfortable enough in her skin to sport this outfit, but even more props to the bikini for being able to contain all that comfortable skin.

Lesson Learned: After viewing rinse eyes for 15 min with cold water.

That's Sh!tty...

2008-07-22T13:00:00.000-07:00

If your mom only knew what you were eating...

Lesson Learned: His Dad always told him, "One man's sh!t is another man's bread & butter."

Alright... Who's Cock Is This!?

2008-07-22T12:00:00.000-07:00

Your parents must have told you to keep your "cock" in your "yard"... but I guess this guy didn't listen. He just lets his cock roam around.

Side Note: Old Macdonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O... And on his farm he had a cock, E-I-E-I-O... With a... well you get the idea.

Lesson Learned: Maybe this cock was just trying to escape becoming the perfect meal!

Word Score: Cock was used 5... well 6 times, not bad for one post! Cock... 7 times, even better!

OMG It's Michael Jackson!!!

2008-07-22T11:20:00.000-07:00

Well... we thought it was, and then we realized it was some Asian lady walking with her kids. Anyone could have made that mistake!

Side Note: Welders masks should only be used on construction sites... or for looking into the sun.

Lesson Learned: If Michael Jackson is your role model, should you really be around children?

Naughty Biker Nipple

2008-07-22T09:00:00.001-07:00

No... you suck on this!

Side Note: This guy bikes around town dressed like this and poses next to suggestive signs... what else are we supposed to think!

Lesson Learned: Try biking with a full shirt on... wait, this could be 80's Biker Boy's dad! Teal tank top, shirt tied around the waist... we're going to need a paternity test!

Holy Crap... And She Looks Like It Too!

2008-07-21T11:45:00.000-07:00

We took this picture thinking, "It would be great for a Celeb-A-Like post..." but then realized it would work much better in a Celeb-A-Look-Like-Sh!t post. It's Mel B... the B stands for Butterface.

Side Note: Is that a wallet in her bra? We thought Scary stuffed... but lets be honest, she doesn't need to! She gives the Elusive Titman a run for his money!

Lesson Learned: Celebs are just like us... only more famous, richer and much easier to make fun of...

What's Child Services' Number Again?!

2008-07-21T11:00:00.000-07:00

Now we have seen some stupid ish on the freeway before... like F**k Nut McFarlin... but this guy tops the charts!

Side Note: While this guy was driving, he let his two unbuckled kids fight in the back window... great parenting skills!

Lesson Learned: Wonder if Child Protective Services has a drive-thru?... cause even Britney isn't this bad!

Grocery Shopping... The New Sport!

2008-07-21T10:00:00.000-07:00

Adidas is sponsoring a new fad... Super Market Sweat! This is a workout while you shop. Giving you the opportunity you have always wanted and needed!

Side Note: Don't forget your boxing shoes... it gets crazy in there! Look, someone already tore her shirt!

Lesson Learned: Box boys beware, this bitch can box!

Truck and Ladder

2008-07-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

Is it just us, or does this just defeat the purpose of having a truck? It would be better if you put the ladder in the bed. But hey... What ever you want short bus... what ever you want.

Lesson Learned: When you buy a truck... put your cargo in the bed like a normal person.

Really... are you that big of an idiot!?

2008-07-18T12:00:00.000-07:00

Dumbass McDaniels was driving along like everyone else when he realized... "oh man... I can be a complete ass hole right now!" So he was. Frank McFu**head stops, in the middle of the freeway, and puts his convertible top up... on a sunny day!

Side Note: We're not going to sugar coat this one... this guy is a MORON. We didn't even crop his eyes out... cause he deserves to be known, as a dip sh!t.

Lesson Learned: Richard VonDickhead is the King of all Douches! See You Next Tuesday you bastard... sorry if we offended any real bastards.

"Fornicate-Away" In Stores Now!

2008-07-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

For those of you who get laid too much... we have the product for you. It's a full size cape and action figure set sure to kill any sexual attraction in your direction. And for a limited time we can also include the no hanky panky spidey face mask if you call in the next 5 minutes. Call 1-800-Stop-Sex.

Side Note: Let's be honest the dude on the left probably doesn't have this problem... who are we kidding, this entire group never had a problem keeping the sex away!

Lesson Learned: You can't get an STD from an action figure! Superman that hoe!

A Cowgirl Needs Hooker Boots TOO!

2008-07-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

Just when you thought hooker moon boots went out of style... bam!... you remembered they were never in style.

Side Note: Marilyn Manson is going to be so pissed when he discovers this lady stole his knee high summer footwear.

Lesson Learned: These boots were not made for walking... in public... or anywhere else!

BEST F**KING PICTURE EVER!

2008-07-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

No words can do this justice!

Lesson Learned: Parents, please don't let your kids dress themselves... no matter how old!

80's Biker Boy

2008-07-17T10:30:00.000-07:00

80's Biker Boy is haven' some fun... 80's Biker Boy doesn't like to run... He rides his bike with funny glasses in the sun... He wears short shorts even when he's done!

It's 80's... Biker... Boooy!!!

Side Note: 80's Biker Boy and The French Ninja are riding buddies!

Lesson Learned: Now that's how you do it! That's how you ride a bike! In the 80's

Good Point... Bad Delivery

2008-07-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

Another trucker trying to spread the news of how to live a good life! Well... he's spreading something!

Side Note: The sad thing is, it doesn't look like he rinsed before using... his truck, we're talking about his truck!

Lesson Learned: Truckers have PSA's too... their just a little more vulgar... and usually include golden showers.

Douche For Sale!

2008-07-17T06:15:00.000-07:00

Ever wanted to be a douche bag... well here's your chance! Come on down to D-Bag Chevrolet and make your dreams come true!

Side Note: This douche-mobile comes with air bags and an air head to ride shotgun.

Lesson Learned: A car dealership can be a douche bag too.

Man Stranded, No One Cares!

2008-07-16T12:30:00.000-07:00

Like Tom Hanks in Castaway, a pedestrian was stranded on one of the Islands of LA... and without Wilson to keep him company. Where's the Park Ranger when you need him?

Side Note: Does this island look like a paper football to anyone else?

Lesson Learned: The only thing good about LA parks is that they get a lot of traffic!

New Craze Sweeps Across America!

2008-07-16T10:45:00.000-07:00

Freeway Bingo is here and lucky for us it's very easy to play! All you need is one pack of Freeway Bingo cards, one clipboard, one marker and one umbrella... Clearly the woman in the middle is an amateur.

Side Note: Police chases are a free space.

Lesson Learned: If you have enough spare time to watch traffic, you have no excuse for being overweight.

Portal To Africa!

2008-07-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

Lets play a little word association... What do you think of when you hear, Africa? Well if you said giraffes, lions or the world's second-largest and second most-populated continent then you're wrong!

Side Note: Nothing says Africa like the dark, gloomy, American State of Washington!

Lesson Learned: Besides giraffes belong in the front yards of homes! At least that's what the Redneck Association of Personal Ethics (R.A.P.E.) says.

FIGHT!!!

2008-07-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

This was a very serious "fight" going on... but it was the most awkward looking "fight" we have ever seen! It was like a stuttering pillow fight... with hands! We're still not sure if any "punches" actually connected.

Side Note: Stuttering Slap Boxing is the newest event at the D-Bag Olympics.

Lesson Learned: If your going to fight in public, make sure you can fight... cause this was more of a comedy act. At least everyone watching was laughing!

Our Cream Is Amazing...

2008-07-15T09:30:00.000-07:00

We know this marketing ad is a bit forward... but cum on... how could you go wrong for $1.75!?

Side Note: Didn't your mother ever tell you, "They won't buy the cow if they get the milk for free." At least it's only a free sample... and, "you will LOVE it!!"

Lesson Learned: At least this place isn't next to the giant wiener place... A mall couldn't handle that kind of sexual tension!

Fat-One-A-Like

2008-07-15T08:30:00.000-07:00

We saw this Fatone-A-Like doing security for some random event... Looks like he's having fun... or not.

Side Note: Maybe it is Fat-one... we haven't heard much from Celebrity Circus in a while, is that still on?

Lesson Learned: If you look like Joey Fatone... SHAVE!

This Is One Perverted Company!

2008-07-14T11:15:00.000-07:00

What happens to your "Big Horn" if you "Ram" it "Heavy Duty" style? Only drivers of gas-guzzling Dodge trucks have the answer... and they display that badge proudly.

Side Note: A conversation heard by two men...

Guy A: "So what you got under the hood?"

Guy B: "A turbo diesel"

Guy A: "Cummins right?"

Guy B: "Every time I drive it!"

Lesson Learned: The only company more horny than Dodge is Disney. Cummins... Really!? Sick Bastards!

Asian Mullets... Sweet!

2008-07-14T05:35:00.000-07:00

A 3-in-1 haircut! The Surfer style for the back, the buzz cut on the sides and the spiked look for the top.

Side Note: This is the first Asian to become a member of R.A.P.E. (the Redneck Association of Personal Ethics).

Lesson Learned: People need to start trusting their barbers... well, some people!

On Your Knees Bitch!

2008-07-11T09:45:00.000-07:00

The chef is begging for his own wiener... that's just sick!

Side Note: That's one large wiener! That's what she said!

Lesson Learned: If you have to beg for a wiener, the chef is doing his job... if you know what we mean!

... He makes a great hot dog you sick bastards!... Your parents would be disappointed with your dirty thoughts!

The Truth Revealed...

2008-07-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

Yep...

Step One... Get Up!

2008-07-10T13:22:00.000-07:00

An up and comer to the sloth slalom in this years D-Bag olympics was out training.

Side Note: The training will commence as soon as he gets up...

Lesson Learned: This event is scheduled to be postponed.

A New Gang In The U.S.

2008-07-10T09:45:00.000-07:00

Oh crap... Rogues Gallery motorcycle gang from Finland is in the U.S.! Look out Hells Angels...

Side Note: You really can't get much dorkier than this... a Finnish person trying to look cool on a BMW motorcycle...

Lesson Learned: The Finns actually have a motorcycle gang... and if they all look like this, we think everything is going to be fine.

Super Student My Ass

2008-07-10T08:30:00.000-07:00

Apparently this "Super Student" has never heard of the word redundant.

Side Note: Redundant is today's word of the day.

Lesson Learned: The Word of The Day is Redundant. Meaning: An unnecessary repetition in expressing ideas... just like with a stupid bumper sticker! Did we mention, redundant is the word of the day?

SUV Drags His Sack...

2008-07-09T11:00:00.000-07:00

We're not sure which is worse: "Junk in the trunk" or "Sack out the back?"

Side Note: It never tore open... that's all you can really hope for!

Lesson Learned: It's not littering if you don't let it go...

Sexy Or Sick... Take Your Pick!

2008-07-09T10:00:00.000-07:00

All the sexy traits are there. One leg up on the wall, leaning back without a care in the world, showing a ~~little~~ lot of stomach. There's just something missing... or is it something extra?

Side Note: That's one farmer's tan that would make your parents proud.

Lesson Learned: If you're going to talk on the phone looking like that... take it inside, no one wants to see that!

Custom Made Ugly!

2008-07-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

Who would ever want a custom made metallic elf's shoe?

Side Note: Well... there might be one person who would...

Lesson Learned: These would be perfect for the World's Laziest Statue!

RED!!!

2008-07-08T13:54:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else think this is a little much?

Side Note: The next step is to get red tires... and don't think they wont... they went this far!

Lesson Learned: Just because it's the same color doesn't mean it works together.

Sexy Pants

2008-07-08T11:00:00.000-07:00

The white shirt & shoe combo with a cornucopia of color in between is astounding!

Side Note: These crazy pants should go with all that white, right? Cause white does contain every color!

Lesson Learned: Neapolitan colors are for ice cream.

Gangsta Rida

2008-07-08T09:30:00.000-07:00

The Low... Ride...er... is a little higher...

Side Note: I guess you have to be a little high to drive this thing... cause the hydraulics are on when it's driving down the damn freeway!

Lesson Learned: Statistics say the safest place to be in a drive-by is the target... That's because you can't aim with all the damn bouncing! Turn off the hydraulics and maybe you could hit something!

What Good Is This?

2008-07-07T13:00:00.000-07:00

We've been thinking about this for a while... why the hell would you ever want these on a truck!?

Side Note: You already have break lights & blinkers... and the propeller doesn't really help either. God help him if he's doing this for looks.

Lesson Learned: Cars and boats are an ugly mix... so are construction signs and bumpers!

Nasty Ass Rat Tail!

2008-07-07T10:30:00.000-07:00

So let's get this straight... the barber said, "So there's this little disgusting patch of hair on the back of your head... and you want to keep it?" Then this guy replied with confidence, "Yeah! It looks good!"

Side Note: It looks like a small animal burrowed into the back of this guy's head!

Lesson Learned: The barber knows best... especially in places you can't see!

No Pants, No Problem!

2008-07-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

Look mom... no pants!

Side Note: That's kind of a wide stance for a pant-less person.

Lesson Learned: Always make a check list before leaving home: shoes... check -- shirt... check -- pants...? Need to get some of those!

Flaming Douches

2008-07-05T12:00:00.000-07:00

These dueling douche bags were out driving their flaming cars! We can't decide which one we hate more.

Side Note: Lame decals don't raise the car's resale value.

Lesson Learned: The only cars that should have flames are ones that are actually on fire... and if that happens, send us a pic!

Are You American Enough?

2008-07-03T12:00:00.000-07:00

We called... but only an answering machine picked up... saying, "Thank you for calling the accent program..." Apparently you can't learn "American" until later in the day.

Side Note: The woman on the machine sounded very American!

Lesson learned: If it walks like a duck... talks like a duck... but sounds American... it must have called the accent program!

You're Not In England Any More

2008-07-03T09:00:00.001-07:00

Excuse me sir... we think we know why you got in an accident. Cause you're driving on the wrong side of the road!

Side Note: That's about a $35,000 mistake.

Lesson Learned: Welcome to America... where we drive on the right side of the road.

Broken Shaft!

2008-07-02T10:30:00.000-07:00

Ouch! Oh... that kind of shaft. For a second we thought... well, never mind.

Side Note: This happened on a freeway off ramp... at least he was kind enough to get off the freeway first!

Lesson Learned: Be gentle with your shaft... that's one thing you don't want to break!

Sweet Midriff

2008-07-02T09:45:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thrown on something and then realized... "this ish is ugly and I look like a total dumb ass"? Well that's what this guy did... then he left the house.

Side Note: These must be the same clothes he wore in 6th grade.

Lesson Learned: Mommy always says, "Wear dirty clothes if this is the alternative!"

Kiss Your Money Goodbye!

2008-07-01T10:00:00.000-07:00

Well we have to be honest... we've never seen an auto company be so truthful. Make-A-Wish Maintenance is perfect.

Side Note: The wish is only an option... you're going to have to pay extra for that.

Lesson Learned: All auto places love to F**K you over... at least this one gives you a magical, fighting chance.

SHHHH!!! Be Very Quiet...

2008-07-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

Wow look at that! There's a giraffe in that tree. It's the very rare species of giraffe... the wild paper back mache.

Side Note: Our calls to the Redneck Association of Personal Ethics (R.A.P.E.) about the rare paper mache giraffe on the loose were not returned.

Lesson Learned: Not all animals belong in the wild... oh, and this piece of crap belongs in the trash!

Sailor Moon In 3D!

2008-06-30T12:00:00.000-07:00

Real life cartoons! It's like Tokyo moved to LA. This might be normal in Japan, but in LA... well it works perfectly.

Side Note: Floral prints are so yesterday's fashion but on a positive note -- high socks are a great replacement for hooker boots.

Lesson Learned: If you go to Tokyo make sure to bring us back some awesome pics!

Holy Sh!t!! People Actually Eat This?!?!

2008-06-30T10:01:00.001-07:00

Leave it to the Mexican mercado to sell the most disgusting crap on earth... a freakin' lamb's head... really?!? Green peas will never look the same.

Side Note: Caution -- Heavy dry heaving may occur while viewing this post.

Lesson Learned: Your food should never smile at you!

Mr. Kent Meet Kleenex, Kleenex Meet Crotch

2008-06-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's Superman's kleenex crotch.

Side Note: Now we know where Superman keeps his change of clothes.

Lesson Learned: The man of steel has junk... but not in his trunk.

That Must Be One F**king Long Bridge!!!

2008-06-28T18:00:00.000-07:00

An Interstate in Hawaii... Really? The last time we checked Hawaii was surrounded by water... but maybe we weren't paying attention.

Side Note: "An Interstate is a highway serving two or more states"... and now you know!

Lesson Learned: We just told you... An Interstate is a highway serving two or more states!!!

Redneck Lawn Art

2008-06-27T10:20:00.000-07:00

Say goodbye to the lawn art of yesterday. No more gnomes or flamingos! The head of the Redneck Association of Personal Ethics, or R.A.P.E., revealed what's new for '08... It's the "Car Fire Catastrophe."

Side Note: We don't really like it... but art isn't really our thing.

Lesson Learned: If your car ever explodes... just give it to a redneck--they love that sh!t.

Yikes!!!

2008-06-27T10:15:00.000-07:00

After a long night of drinking... you know it's going to be a rough morning when you wake up and find that a dirty little Smurf sh!t on your head.

Side Note: No, your hair doesn't distract our attention away from your hideous tattoo... but good try.

Lesson Learned: Smurf sh!t stains.

Here Comes Santa Claus

2008-06-27T09:50:00.000-07:00

He's making a list and checking it twice... carrying a beer and maybe some lice... Santa Claus is slummin' around!

Side Note: Even Mr. Kringle is feeling the pinch during these hard economic times. Looks like he had to get a part-time job with the postal service.

Lesson Learned: See... we knew he was real! Just like the Elusive Titman!!!

Compensating For Something?

2008-06-26T14:00:00.000-07:00

Can anyone tell me how this is a good idea? You can't even get into this tank without a ladder!

Note To Driver: "People aren't staring at you cuz you're cool... they're staring at you because they think you are a moron for spending $200 a week to fill up."

Lesson Learned: You have to be a dumb ass to drive a Tonka Truck like this when gas is almost $5 a gallon!

Business In The Front, Party In The Back

2008-06-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

These pictures are three prime examples of why the mullet went out of style... and should stay out. Or maybe it's not a mullet at all and simply just a bad haircut by her 2 year-old.

Side Note: FYI, from the back it looks like an octopus is eating her skull!

Lesson Learned: That's one woman you don't want to give a pearl necklace to!

Comforting Sign...

2008-06-26T09:39:00.000-07:00

WTF?! How is this sh!t supposed to make anyone feel safe?!? Thanks CA for knowing we're sitting on a CANCER nest and only posting a sign.

Side Note: This sign is posted outside our office... look around, your office probably has one too.

Lesson Learned: Work will be the death of us all!

ET Phone Nursing Home

2008-06-25T09:30:00.000-07:00

Grams must have fallen out of the basket on the way home, but lucky for Elliott, we found her.

Lesson Learned: That little bastard needs to take better care of ET... it looks like she's been lost for 50 years, now she's pissed!

World's Laziest Statue

2008-06-25T09:26:00.000-07:00

As a parent you can't be too disappointed that your son is a statue-man... cause that ish ain't easy. But come on, stand up you lazy mother f**ker!

Side Note: What a waste of a buck... we knew he wasn't going to do anything, but at least we thought he wouldn't do anything standing up!

Lesson Learned: Children, this is why college is so important

FAAAABulous!

2008-06-25T09:02:00.000-07:00

The new "Tough Stuff" clothing line is now available for skaters, which includes: side knotted T-shirts & cut off jean shorts! Pick yours up today!

Side Note: Last time we saw someone hanging this tough was in a New Kids On the Block music video!

Lesson Learned: When trying to be a skateboarding-hard ass... capris are a bad choice!

The Elusive Titman!

2008-06-24T11:03:00.000-07:00

HOLY CRAP!!! We've seen cross dressers, we've seen man/woman/things... but we have never seen this before!

A man with TITS!!!!

Side Note: We know the shot is not the best... but this is far from over! We will get another shot of THE ELUSIVE TITMAN!

Lesson Learned: He escaped our camera this time, but he can only hide for so long!

French Ninja

2008-06-24T09:51:00.001-07:00

The French Ninja is looking for her prey... the French Ninja is on her way... French Ninja yay!

Side Note: After the kill, the French Ninja took a nap.

Lesson Learned: The French Ninja theme song sucks!

We Detect Fowl Play

2008-06-24T08:38:00.001-07:00

We discovered the mystery behind the "Mystery Meat" we had back in school... then promptly dry heaved.

Lesson Learned: Randall is one sick bastard!

This Sexy Mama Needs A Ride!

2008-06-24T08:30:00.000-07:00

If you look beyond the ugly pink dress, the wild hair, fugly shoes and open legs, there is a beautiful bus stop back there wanting to shine.

Side Note: We would like to immediately apologize to your retinas... at least you didn't have to edit the photo!

Lesson Learned: One look in the mirror before you leave can make a world of difference

Small Wallet, Smaller Dick

2008-06-23T13:16:00.000-07:00

We never thought there would be a bigger waste of gas than the Hummer 2... we were wrong --

here it is!

Side Note: We talked to the tiny man about the gas mileage and he said this, "1 highway, 0 city."

Lesson Learned: If you have a small dick, get a big truck... it'll take the attention away from the tiny pecker

Berieve Us... We U.S. Company... Rearry!

2008-06-23T12:37:00.000-07:00

Does this look suspicious to anyone else?... A "U.S." company with a logo like that?

Side Note: ~~Asian~~ American since 1950.

Lesson Learned: Sensei always said, "If you can't beat em', join em'."

LA Hits A Record Low!

2008-06-23T10:01:00.000-07:00

A frigid 97 degrees rolled through the Southland this passed weekend, and only one woman was prepared!

Side Note: The desert eskimo and her 2nd jacket were ready for weather that could drop below 95 degrees.

Lesson Learned: The winter D-Bag Olympics can now be held in June!

Man Starves To Death From Lack Of Attention

2008-06-23T09:22:00.000-07:00

Trained character actor for hire, Dennis Woodruff, was out in his sweet ride. You may know Dennis from his roll in Spaceman, where a traveler from 27 "galaxys" away visits Earth... Based on a true story!

Side Note: The only thing missing from this car are some bad ass plastic spinners!

Lesson Learned: If you want entertainment... come to our site, but If you want crazy... go to denniswoodruffshow.com